Answer:“One sky, towards which we sometimes lift our eyes.”
Lift–>Elevate so that us sounds like you know your stuff and so its also more understandable.
“we head home, through the gloss of rain or weight of snow.”
Through–>Throughout so that it sounds more expressive.
“Or the impossible vocabulary of sorrow that won’t explain,”
Impossible–>Intractable so that is fits more.
Wanted–>Desired if you desired something you really want it bad
“My face, your face, millions of faces in morning’s mirrors,
each one yawning to life, crescendoing into our day”
Crescendoing–>Uproar so that it makes it more understandable and have more of an impact.