Answer:“One sky, towards which we sometimes lift our eyes.”

Lift–>Elevate    so that us sounds like you know your stuff and so its also more understandable.

“we head home, through the gloss of rain or weight of snow.”

Through–>Throughout  so that it sounds more expressive.

“Or the impossible vocabulary of sorrow that won’t explain,”

Impossible–>Intractable so that is fits more.

Wanted–>Desired if you desired something you really want it bad

“My face, your face, millions of faces in morning’s mirrors,

each one yawning to life, crescendoing into our day”

Crescendoing–>Uproar so that it makes it more understandable and have more of an impact.